Bittersweet Moments........

Dear B,
I sit here and write with such a heavy heart and emptiness that still resides within. I feel as if the veil of denial has been lifted and I can no longer live there. This has been the toughest part as I think of you now more than ever and find myself grieving even the smallest joys you brought to our lives. Although it has been more and more apparent that you're not coming back, it's still so darn hard to come to grips that this is all real. It feels so cruel to think that a child can ever be taken away from his parents and yet we're living it each day. I hope and pray that this blog will continue to hold a purpose other than sharing just the sad moments I feel because I miss you so much....maybe when the pain isn't so sharp and fresh.

Owen is a little over a week old and has really added some much needed sunshine and life back into our days. I feel like I play a movie in my head of the big brother role you would've played when Owen arrived. I know you would've been the best big brother ever. I remember when you'd point at a baby on TV and say, "Look mama, that looks like the baby in your belly....he's so cuuuuute." You'd always ask when the baby was going to come out and play with your toys....you were so eager to share them.

A week from today would have been your Fontan, the last surgery that would've "corrected" your heart. It will be a bittersweet day as you are in a place now where there are no more surgeries or broken hearts yet it would've been a day that could've brought you more time with us here on earth. I look at my heart now just as yours was when God blessed us with your life. Part of my heart is broken and does not work like it should. I didn't know how I could love again with such emptiness. When Owen arrived, it was as if you helped my heart re-route itself so that it could offer love in another part of my heart. The broken piece may never be fixed, but my heart is now able to love again in a new way.

Holding you closer than ever to our hearts,
Your mama and dadda

Dear bloggers,
Life at home with a newborn is going really well. We couldn't have asked for a better baby as Owen really only squawks when he's being changed or is ready to eat (I'm knocking on wood as I type). He's eating like a champ and is having more and more awake time each day. We find ourselves just staring at him as he has been such a beatiful blessing and a precious gift granted to us from above. Since we didn't find out the sex of the baby before he was born, I knew that Owen's gift to us was planned long before Braden's passing. God has His purpose....we just wish we could know all of the reasons for His plans.

We had a newborn photo session today with Kim, so I'll be sure to post more pics when I write again.

Thank you for continuing to hold us close in prayer,
Love Steph and Rich