Who You'd Be Today...

Dear B,
It's been awhile....too long actually. Today was a tough day for us. Today you would've spent your first day in kindergarten; I would've packed your bag; you would've ridden the bus; you would've made me a worry wart just like any other parent on this very day; you would've charmed your teacher with your smile, sweet voice, and laughter; you would've, you should've, you could've.....oh how these are the hardest words to speak. I try so hard to imagine you as five, and it seems quite surreal; would you be as tall as this kid or into star wars like that kid? We tried hard to embrace the "back to school" moments as Owen and I went shopping for school supplies. We donated them to your school in honor of you and in memory of the sweetest little boy I know/knew.

You would be so proud of your brother. He is a dancing machine. I picture you laughing at him as he breaks into dance for every song and jingle. He's talking and making facial expressions that remind me so much of you. These are sweet moments as I get to enjoy new Owen-isms and remember you at the same time. I could go on and on, but I know you know all of this. I know you are here and enjoying these moments right along with us. It's not being able to see you, hug you, play with you, read to you, and see who you would be at five that gets tough and confusing all the same. I don't know if I grieve the five year old B or the 2 1/2 year old B the most? Soon Owen will pass you in age, and I know that will be tough. You will always be older, but Owen will now get to experience moments here on earth before you ever did - it just doesn't seem real or even possible, but this is what it is without you here.

We miss you, we honor you, we love you each and every day.
Loving you & missing you more with each passing day,
Your Mama

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Dear Bloggers,
I didn't realize how difficult this day and this blog would be. I've come to have days of peace and then there are moments right now where I can barely catch my breath because reality has sunk in. I miss my son, and there's nothing I can do to ever get him back. I know he is with us in spirit, but darn-it that's tough to come to grips with everyday. Knowing I will see him again someday is what helps to get me through these moments, but sometimes that's just not enough.

On the upswing of this post, we had another very successful Heart of Gold Golf Outing. With a little over 200 attendees, we made (almost to the penny) $20,000. WOW! We couldn't have done this without the amazing support of our family, friends, co-workers, and Heart of Gold Fans. Our attendance was lower than previous years, but we had supporters who made generous contributions that helped make this another successful fundraiser. We have now reached the $100,000+ mark with our 5 years in operation. Rich and I are still in awe at how far this charity has come and how the legacy and life of our B has inspired so many. His life was and still is a gift and a blessing - each day this is revealed in different ways, ways that make me so proud to be his Mama.

I made a montage for the outing, but sadly it didn't want to work that night :( I was, however, able to download it to Youtube, so if you would like to watch it here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VN8RaeX5LlA

We are also walking/running again in the Briggs and Al for Children's Hospital of Wisconsin. This year it's back to the September date, so we will be walking and running on September 17th. It's not too late to join us! Please contact us if you'd like to join us on this special day. I have a tough time asking for more money because of the generosity we see every August with our outing, but if you would like to pledge to our team (all money goes back to CHW), please visit: http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/stephanie-petska/braden

Thanks for reading, stopping in, and continuing to support us,
Steph

Here are a few photos from the outing

"Hope carries no price tag but it's value is priceless."

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
--Sarah Evans

Hello blog,
Oh how I've missed you and longed for you in those quiet moments when I need to redirect my focus, when I need to just be, when I need to dig deep for that inner peace, when I need to finally just let it all out, so I'm no longer consumed with the comings and goings of life as it is. My grief has changed, and I know it has. It has changed to a point where I feel guilt for not missing B as much as I once did (last year, last month, last week, yesterday). How can that be? How can a mother miss her son any less? Maybe because my distractions allow me to not dwell on what I'm missing? The pain isn't as sharp as it once was and the memories are starting to lose their crisp, sharp focus as well. This makes me incredibly sad. Sometimes I'm so consumed with the guilt and the sadness of this new loss (the sharpness) that I feel stuck....stuck in thought, stuck in action.....just stuck! Again, I wish there was a manual on how I'm "supposed" to feel. Owen brings us so much joy and reminds us more and more everyday that Braden is very near....almost so similar in action that I catch myself calling him B sometimes. I look at Owen as he drives his cars and trucks so intently on the couch, kneeling just like B did that I want to hug him, embrace him, smell him, and wish for just one moment it could be B again. Imagining B comes when there are kids his age around, and I am blown away at the height he should/could be right now. There are times it gives me joy to see kids his age playing and then there are times when it brings sadness, knowing that I'm missing a big part of my life. Sometimes that missing comes out of nowhere. Sometimes my day can go on without the awareness that my heart is still reeling from brokenness, and then out of nowhere I am reminded that I should have a son 4 1/2 years of age, that I should have a son approaching kindergarten, that I should have a son who is learning how to ride a bike, that I should have 2 boys rough and tumble in my house, that I should be overwhelmed with duties any mom would have with 2 boys. There are times when I'm reminded that I'm not apart of this club or that club and that it wasn't my choice.....it was taken from me......these moments are when the anger appears. It's not there for very long, but it does approach from time to time.....sometimes with warning, most times I'm unaware of its presence sneaking up on me.

As most of you know, my March was consumed with more than just the 2-year angel-versary of B. Of course, I don't lessen the pain of that day by using the word "just", but we experienced two other deaths that month as well. My Uncle Mark who was also my Godfather passed away on March 17th from colon cancer. He was my dad's youngest brother, a loving husband, and devoted father. There is most certainly a void in our family now with the loss of my uncle. He did everything during his fight to put everyone's fear at ease by wearing a smile and staying positive and optimistic even when the pain crippled him. Please keep his family in your prayers as they are experiencing the overwhelming impact that loss brings. A few weeks later, my dear friend Shana passed away of Adrenal Cancer. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this as she leaves behind a husband and daughter Mia who is only 3 and doesn't understand why her mommy isn't coming home. Shana and I would talk often about our recent challenges in life, laughing, crying, and trying to walk God's path together. Shana always amazed me with her words of wisdom as she blogged during her 3 year battle with the beast. One I remember greatly that really changed how I felt about my own relationship with God. She had just received news that her cancer was continuing to grow despite the treatment she was on. I will share the post as I wish everyone had the chance to not only meet Shana but be graced with her presence as she showed an incredible amount of courage and faith during her fight:
--"This body of mine is good at deceiving me. It is doing a great job of being pain free and energetic for the most part. Sometimes I just wonder, 'Are you sure you've got the right CT?? That just can't be me.' With news like this, I always go back to the question what is my purpose here? As I'm sure everyone does, but for me there is more urgency to know that I am living a life that makes God proud. I am here to serve Him, to love and be loved. No matter what my CT says, I am being healed daily by the love I give and receive, by being able to enjoy pure joy with dear friends, my beautiful daughter, my husband, my moms, my sister, my family across the street, all of my family. Just this weekend, I caught up with old friends and there was that pure happiness that makes you forget about what the next day might bring. I enjoyed the moment and the love that was present between old friends that have shared dreams, secrets and heartache. Life is too short to not have these moments. Sure there are some days I miss my work. I really loved practicing, and am sad some days that I can't do it, but Mia and Scott are more important to me than work. Not that everyone should stop working and spend it with their family, but balance it. If you got cancer tomorrow are you happy with how your life is right now? I know I worked too much. Too many long hours away from my family is not something I am proud of. I owed the govt my life pretty much, though so I did what was asked of me. I don't mean to preach, but hope you might pick up something from my experiences. And since this is my page, you have to put up with the wisecracks and the tears! One thing for sure, I am a better person because of the cancer. Don't misunderstand. I would give almost anything to be cured, but I would not give up the changes my spirit has undergone during this journey." -- Although my uncle didn't blog about his journey, both him and Shana made sure to make each day count. Their lives and deaths have made me look within myself to ask, how can I live my best life? I'm not sure, but what I can tell you is that I've begun to pray again. This is a huge step in building back my faith, piece by piece. I know I need to pray for the people in my life for strength and healing just like many people did and still do for us. I'm also praying for God to allow me to accept where I am right now in my own life and to ask Him to show me how I can best serve Him.

Other news:
Heart of Gold Charity will be proudly awarding six seniors this spring with $1,000 each in their pursuit of a medical/nursing degree. This will make $22,000 total that we've given since our start. We will be delivering another batch of gift bags tomorrow. Our 5th Annual Golf Outing will be August 13th at the Twin Lakes Country Club. We are sending out forms in the next few weeks. Again, we were humbled by the amazing people I work with. They purchased bracelets with Braden's name and "Forever in our Hearts" on them for everyone in the staff to wear the week of his angel-versary. Many people still wear them today, and I am so thankful to have a support system like I do. Below you will see a picture that was organized on March 17th. Rich and I stayed home that day, so my staff was able to arrange themselves into a heart all wearing gold/yellow shirts. They surprised me with the picture a week later. AMAZING! Just yesterday a co-worker said he thought of B as he drove to work. He saw a beautiful sunrise and remembers the beauty in the sunrise the morning B passed away. Moments like these blow me away as I always want his little life to be remembered. When they are shared, I can't help but swell with pride and tears for my B.

Rich and I are winding down our days of teaching for the year. Every year it seems to go faster. Because of a later than usual start for him this year, he goes almost 2 more weeks after I'm out. I will make sure not to rub it in every chance I get :) Owen, Owen, Owen......what's not to say about this growing boy who is the king of facial expressions. His vocabulary has taken off and he is jabbering every minute of the day....music to our ears! His most common phrases: "What's that?" "No like" "Oh gosh", "Mama, where are you?" "Hide, Jim", "Grammy's House?" He also demands us to "sit" as he slaps his hand on the chair and also to read to him. Requests granted :) He is funny when he doesn't get his way and decides he has to let out his anger by hitting. After many timeouts, he has learned not to hit mama or daddy. He now finds a wall, the gate or the nearest object to hit. He looks at us intently when he does it, but then whines and looks at his hand after he discovers it hurts to hit. He will be two next Sunday, and it's so hard to believe.

Mary Kay is still amazing, and I believe it has been another piece of allowing me to grow spiritually and emotionally. I'm on target to earn that first career car (not the pink Caddy :) Below you will see a picture that was taken at our quarterly convention in Madison. Consultants in MK are recognized for achievement in sales, recruiting, etc every quarter. This was the first time I was recognized for a "big" award. Here I am on stage speaking with one of the directors and there's an orb of light hovering over my head. Big blessings from B that day. It still brings me to tears when I look at it.

A quote I absolutely love and would like to share is: "When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." I am in no way "healed." I will never be the same, yet I choose to get up everyday and "try". I've been reading more lately which has helped, but I need to remember to do it EVERYDAY. Just because I feel better one day doesn't mean that the next day won't be drastically different. In order to keep my frame of mind positive, it takes work. I'm happy to know that I'm leaning more on God for help with this. Enjoy today for we don't know what tomorrow will bring. If you are struggling with today, pray it away......there will be peace like no other when you can give "it" away.

There are clouds today but hoping for sunshine tomorrow (figuratively and literally),
Steph

"March"ing along....

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

These are words from the song "For Good" from Wicked. I can't help but tear up when listening to it. I'm forever changed for knowing, loving, and losing B. Am I better? Worse? Not sure, but I know I'm different. For now, it feels like a good different, but there are moments when I break, crack, and crumble to where I beg for that old life back. I guess I'm learning to live this new life to the best I can, but there are days, many days when all I want is my son back....sigh.

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I wrote the above days ago intending to finish the post but just didn't have the time and energy to sit and unravel what's been on my heart. Now I sit here, trying desperately to allow my fingers to type away these emotions that have seemed to consume me....to try and unravel what I've wound so tightly. All I can think about is that March 1st is looming....it's right around the corner. The weather still feels a bit like January, but I know it's coming....the spring-like weather that will bring back that heaviness and everything that's tied to March 17th and the moment that forever changed us.

Today was a day I can say we moved one step forward in our healing. We were invited to a group bowling activity. At first I told Rich I didn't want to go as I seem to avoid activities where I know there will be kids B's age. The more we discussed it, the more we felt the need to venture out and allow Owen this fun new experience and the chance to be with other kids. He had so much fun. As I sat there and watched Rich help Owen throw the ball down the lane, I couldn't help but swallow that big lump in my throat. This was a moment I felt the smiles piercing the pain, allowing only happy tears.....of joy for Owen and a testament to how Rich and I are living our lives......for Owen...with Braden always near us.

I write this blog with tears, with choking sobs as the sadness is here tonight....the fear of losing Owen is starting to become present...traces of B are everywhere and even more so in Owen. I watch Owen as he plays, as he talks, as he learns and he is so different yet so similar to Braden. I watch as Owen loves trucks, tractors, and cars. I sometimes look and imagine how him and Braden would play together. That is the box I cannot open up as it will consume me. It saddens me beyond words when I think of what Owen is missing out on each and everyday. - sigh-

Owen has changed so much since my last post (Thanksgiving). Everyday he has new words, learning letters, shapes, colors, and absolutely loving to dance. He dances with his arms, so he looks like he's surfing. He even head jives in the car if he's digging the music. He loves Dora, Diego, and adores Mickey Mouse. When he wants to watch Dora, he says, "D-D-D-D- Oh Man" (imitating Swiper). He loves everything involving monster trucks. He will play with his cars and trucks on the couch, lining them up, running them over with his monster trucks. I can't believe he's approaching 2.....it doesn't seem possible.

Since I haven't updated since Thanksgiving, I feel like there's so much to share, especially involving the charity. Since Christmas seemed to be such a difficult time to get through, it was a very nice surprise to get a few generous donations from friends and the companies they work with - thank you Ralph TenBruin and David Smith. We have also received generous donations from people we've never met. We are truly touched and amazed at the generosity of others. Since February is heart month, we've had some amazing things happen with the charity. First of all, my Mary Kay director has been so touched by Braden's story that she is donating the money she is making this month at her Mary Kay parties to the charity...thank you Kiersten. I also decided to sell some Mary Kay bath and perfume products at school along with our teddy bears and Heart of Gold t-shirts. My staff was amazing and purchased enough to raise over $700.00 for the charity. Rich brought some bears into his work just before Christmas and raised a few hundred dollars as well....amazing! We also received a very generous donation from Mended Little Hearts that was appreciated beyond words. On President's Day, I received a phone call from our friends the Tomomitsu's who were in the Twin Lakes Area promoting Jump Rope for Hearts. They were speaking at the local schools (one in which I used to teach at). They spoke about B and honored him on this special day. Tammy also let me know that they payed a special visit to B at his site. The one story that is really quite touching comes from a young man named Dylan. Dylan has been working on his black belt since the age of four and he is now nine. As a part of receiving his black belt, Dylan needed to do a service project. Dylan and his family were inspired to somehow be able to give to Children's Hospital of WI after taking part in the Brigg's & Al Walk/Run last October. A mutual connection lead Dylan to our charity. Dylan felt this was a way he could help and assist the children and families at CHW. Dylan held a special party just before Valentine's Day at his home. He called it, "Have a Heart." They asked for everyone to wear red and to bring items that would/could go into the gift bags we give to new heart families at CHW. Today we were able to meet Dylan and his mom & dad. They delivered eight bags of goods (toiletries and snacks), $800.00 in donations, and $100 in gift cards to Applebee's. We were touched and honored to not only receive this but to meet Dylan and his family. His parents should be so proud of him. He is learning at a young age what the gift of giving is all about. Not only does this swell our hearts with pride to know that B is still touching lives, but look at how many lives Dylan and everyone who has generously given to Heart of Gold will forever touch by their generosity. Thank you, thank you!


Thank you God for sending amazing people into our lives.....You are providing Your healing touch in so many ways...AMEN!

Stephanie

Below are recent photos of Owen. The first one is our photo op with Dylan this morning - Owen is holding onto the Braden Bear we gave Dylan. I ended the photo display with a pic of B. He's just waking up and it looks like he's about to dance or give us a big hug.....love him to pieces...

Thoughts at Thanksgiving

"If I could go back and live life over again, I would find you sooner, so I could love you longer." Today is Thanksgiving. We have so much to be thankful for, yet I can't help that my heart is so extremely heavy. Days like today magnifies the loss and sometimes even clouds the moments we should be thankful for.

Aside from today, I feel like I'm at the side of the mountain, climbing....inching my way to the top...although I'm not sure what that means when we reach the top of the largest mountain. I know that I'm not at the bottom, in a pit of sorrow, swallowed up by grief and that is a good thing...no, a great thing. I've sought a little help for this in the pharmaceutical department. Whether you believe in such a thing or not, I've learned not to judge those doing the same. I've tried like heck to avoid this...for fear of being co-dependent on something foreign to help me through the tough moments. For a year and a half I've been counseled, I've exercised, eaten healthy, taken vitamins, etc. I came to a point where the grief was grabbing ahold of me more than I was able to grab ahold of it. The little day to day tasks of "life" are no longer overwhelming like they once were. I feel as if I have my motivation back. I can now pay the bills and do laundry without having a meltdown. I now have the desire to cook and even clean. Another thing that has helped a bit with this is the fact that I've signed up to be a Mary Kay Consultant. Many people have either looked at me funny as if I've gone mad trying to fit one more thing on my plate or they have believed in me more than I've believed in myself. It has been a great distraction and a has played a very positive role in my life as of lately. I can make this as much or as little as I want, and I have met some wonderful people along the way. Mary Kay's philosophy has been God first, family second, and career third. Along this journey, I've met some people with strong faith and many like me who are not "sellers" by nature but have leaned on this business to try and search for more in their life. Although I'm very new at this, I look forward to the moments I am able to be present these wonderful women. I've been trying to find ways to have God actively present in my life again....I'm hoping this will give me that extra push to get back into the regular routine of attending church and leaning on God again.

I look back to where I was exactly a year ago (thankful that I blogged about that time), and I can remember not wanting to move forward for fear that holidays lived without B would wash away the ones we lived with him. Although the "firsts" have been lived and lived through, it still doesn't quite make the "seconds" any easier....just different. I look at Braden's moments on film, and they seem to get farther and farther away. Time can be a good thing, yet I dislike time for this very reason. It's natural for parents to "forget" or not actively remember all of the actions their children made from years ago. But, when this is all we have, it makes me so sad to think that those memories might become foggier as time moves on.

All of the latest happenings with us and the Charity:
We once again walked/ran in the Briggs and Al run/walk. Our team raised close to $4,000 and we had a team of 47 members...our biggest team yet. We were also asked to be one of three charities highlighted and a recipient of funds raised at a Hearts of Hope movie premiere. Hearts of Hope was a documentary about CHD families who have fought the fight with their children. The hospital that the documentary was filmed was at Hope Hospital in Oak Lawn. It was very well done, and the young gal who filmed this was there as well. It was very moving to see the journeys, just like ours, captured on film. It was also very special to be among so many heart families that evening. Before we attended the event, we dropped off 20 more gift bags the hospital - this makes 100 this year.

Writing has been so therapeutic for me. I know this because after writing what I just wrote above, that cloud of grief has been slightly lifted to allow me to reflect on all of the wonderful blessings in our life. We are so thankful for all of you...who continue to support us, pray for us, and love us. I know that God has played an active role in healing through the wonderful actions of others. I recently received a diary journal with a Heart of Gold figurine on the front.....maybe just maybe I will really, truly contemplate creating a book of some sort. I feel as if I have a stack of books to be read that deals with grief in all sorts of ways....maybe mine will capture yet another view....hmmmm, just thinking outloud :)

Owen is at the forefront of today's feast....although we could just gobble him up, what I mean by this is that he is at the forefront of our blessings. He has been the key role in our healing and allowing us to move one foot forward everyday. He is now starting to play with some of the toys B so very much loved. It is so neat to see him play so differently, yet so very much the same as his brother did. He is becoming such a little boy who is full of smiles, laughter, and life. He is such a good boy, and we have seen the rough and tumble yet gentle sides of him. We share Braden's pictures and video memories with him. I can't wait to share so much more when he is old enough to understand.

Whether your heart is beating with love or broken with sadness, let it be open to give thanks to the beautiful blessing we have before us.

With love and gratitude this Thanksgiving and everyday.....
Steph

Some fall photos of Owen...he was a hobo for Halloween:

Time Marches On.....

I sit down to write because it's been a long time. I know this because my thoughts are swirling about, needing to be let out someway/somehow. So, where are we now you may ask? How are things going? Hmmm, well, it's so hard to pinpoint that exactly. Some moments it seems as if I have a grip on this new life and the next moment I'm plummeting into a place I try desperately to get out of. The tears come much easier these days...I just miss my B to pieces. I know how I've blogged before that I felt I could analyze myself and my feelings pretty well, knowing why I was feeling a certain way. Now, I've just given up on the analyzing part and succumb to what the day brings. Sometimes that might mean a sudden dip in my mood or tears of sadness when there's so much joy that surrounds us. A few scenarios might make you understand what I'm talking about. A few weeks ago, I went downstairs to grab Owen a pair of tennis shoes. I know Braden had some at this age that would fit Owen....I just needed to find them. As I was looking at the unmarked tubs, I couldn't quite remember what tub held the clothes and items that Owen could fit into now, so I started with the first one I saw. That was the tub ear marked with "don't touch" items....the clothes B last wore, his socks, shoes, Handy Manny backpack, and his winter coat. I grabbed the coat and just hugged it, hoping to feel what I once felt a year and a half ago. I put the coat back and closed up the tub, thinking I was "done" as I opened up the next one. There sat clothes Owen would eventually wear, and there I sat sobbing as I looked at the items that held so many memories. I wasn't expecting it. I honestly thought I could go and retrieve some shoes without even wincing. Boy was I wrong. Everything in this house holds a key to a memory....I guess packing things away was like packing away emotions I hadn't expected to reopen again. Another moment was when Rich, Owen, and I were driving back from a fun-filled afternoon. Rich made a detour on our way home, and I knew instantly where we were going....the cemetery. It caught me off guard. He wanted to go retrieve the balloons we had left there for B's birthday. I couldn't get out of the car. It was hard for me to even look at his headstone with his little face on the bench and the large letters of our last name etched into the stone. I was screaming on the inside....with anger and questions....why? Why B? Why us? We shouldn't be here....he shouldn't be here.....it's just not fair....damn it, it's just not fair! Some days....some moments....just catch me/us by surprise!

When you ask how we are doing? I apologize if I don't make sense or end the conversation in circles...I really don't know what to say. I've never had something change in my life like my viewpoint on grief. I know if I looked back to an entry I made a year ago, it would be very different . I do know one thing ...our lives are different now....I'm not sure if you see it, but I feel it. I'd like to share with you a quote from another family that really hit home: "Do not judge the bereaved mother. She comes in many forms. She is breathing, but she is dying. She may look young, but inside she had become ancient. She smiles, but her heart sobs. She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS, but she IS NOT, all at once. She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity” For me the italicized part is what I feel the most at this point. I'm not all at once. No matter how hard I try, I just can't get there and I'm not sure if I ever will. I feel as if I lost a piece of myself when I lost B, and sometimes plummeting into that darkness is the result of trying to get that part of my life back, knowing it's gone forever. Another mother wrote about her grief and healing being about trying to glue back the pieces of your life when it's been smashed to smithereens. Somedays I feel as if we've done a good job with our glueing, embracing the joy in our life, thanking God for what we have, and remembering B with happy memories. Then there are days when the glueing either halts or crumbles, with us having to start back from the beginning. Since there will always be a missing piece, how do you even begin to glue it all back? I can imagine that's how our life will always be...somedays "glued together" while other days crumbling to pieces.
sigh......

Owen, Owen, Owen.....I couldn't wait to get to this part in the blog as he truly melts my heart. He is growing, growing, growing. He is a pointing, ooohing, laughing, babbling, curious, active, playful, inquisitive, brave, little boy who loves books, animals, trucks, wrestling, trains, making new discoveries, dancing, and bath time. Summer and fall have brought us out of "hiding" as we embrace new experiences like the beach, zoo, and the apple orchard with Owen. I try hard to focus on Owen and not on what we're missing, but that's easier said than done. That "missing piece" can be more evident on days when we see families of four or brothers the ages of Braden and Owen. Owen looks and points at B's pictures and sometimes carries them around with him. I often wonder if he knows that there's a special boy inside that frame or if he "recognizes" his face from a previous "meeting." Sometimes you just have to wonder. Owen isn't saying a lot of words yet, but we are starting to recognize his own language. We've been starting to teach him a few signs like eat, more, all done, and milk, so he can communicate to us. Speaking of "all done", we are all done with the helmet.....yeah! It's amazing to see the difference from where he started.

Other news: I know I had written this in the previous post, but I just wanted to thank everyone again for their support with our 4th annual golf outing. We made a little over $16,000 which puts us at a little over $80,000 total that we've raised since we started Heart of Gold. We are in the process of writing thank you's to those who made contributions to the charity, golf outing, and silent auction. We made another gift bag delivery to the hospital at the end of August, which put us at 80 gift bags this year already. In just two weeks, we are going to participate again in the Briggs and Al Run/Walk. We were actually reluctant in forming a team this year- last year was very emotional, and we were unsure if we could do it again. We had many members of our team asking about it, wanting to join again, so we did. We are 45 team members strong (our biggest team yet), and on October 9th we will run/walk to benefit Children's Hospital of Wisconsin and the Playroom of Hope. If you would like to make a contribution to our team, our website is: www.firstgiving.com/bradenpetska

Thank you for checking in. I know God has answered many prayers through the kind acts of others....thank you for your endless support, encouragement, and prayers. A special thanks to the Tommy Gals :)

Love,
Steph

Happy 4th Birthday B!

Happy Birthday to a very special little boy! We miss you more than you'll ever know!

Love you B-man,
Mama, Dada, and Owen
















I just wanted to make a quick note to say that once again we had another successful golf outing. Thank you to everyone who supported us and contributed to the charity! We definitely felt B's presence and spirit as we celebrated his life, honored the kiddos who live every day with CHD, and remembered those who have left us all too soon. We wanted share with you a montage created for our outing...please see it in the post below.

Thanks for checking in with us!
Steph

Heart of Gold Charity, 2010 at OneTrueMedia.com

Here is the montage we created for our 2010 Heart of Gold Charity Golf Outing

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Heart of Gold Fundraiser

Hello Everyone,

It's hard to believe that we are less than a month away from our 4th Annual Golf Outing Fundraiser! Registration forms have been sent, and we apologize if you did not receive one by mail. We might not have your address in our mailing system, so please let us know your address for future mailings if you did not receive a form by mail. You can e-mail us @ www.heartofgoldcharity@yahoo.org

Date: Saturday, August 14 at 12pm at Twin Lakes Country Club in Twin Lakes, WI. Registration will be at 11pm, shotgun start at 12pm - please note that this is one hour earlier than in previous years! Dinner, silent auction, and live entertainment to follow golfing. The golf package includes 18 holes of golf, a brat and beer lunch , as well as dinner, all for $90.

Non-golfing dinner guests are welcome, but pre-registration is required. The cost is only $25 for dinner ($10 for kids 12 and under). Please fill out the same form as the golfers in the dinner guest section.

Please remember registration ends July 24th or when we reach our limit of 144 golfers (300 total for dinner).

If you cannot attend, but would like to make a contribution, you can sponsor a hole or donate an item to our silent auction.

Since Heart of Gold Charity's 1st Annual Golf Outing in 2007, we have raised over $60,000 which has allowed us to give back in the following ways:
245 Gift Bags to New Heart Families at Children's Hospital of Wisconsin
$16,000 in Medical Scholarships
$14,000 to the Herma Heart Center (at CHW) for Cardiac Research (I put the incorrect total in a previous e-mail sent out)
$7,000 to the Ronald McDonald House

Please join us on August 14th to continue Heart of Gold Charity's Mission: To assist new heart families, inspire young individuals pursuing a career in medicine, support cardiac research, raise awareness of CHD, and continue to honor the legacy and memory of Braden Gregory Petska.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think may be interested in golfing, coming to dinner, or making a contribution.

Also, don't forget about our pop-tab challenge - bring in your pop-tabs to be weighed. The one with the most tabs (by weight) wins a prize!

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The link below is currently on the Brigg's & Al Website to help advertise for this year's run/walk set for Saturday, October 9th, 2010. We feel honored to have been a part of this video. This was the video they filmed back in January - I think I blogged about it. There were many moments when Owen was hollering in the background - it was hard to stay focused and not smile when he was chiming in.
Copy and paste this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TGj6lErWvU

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I Can't Believe You're Gone by Kenny Chesney:
Sunny days seem to hurt the most
Wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can't believe you're gone

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Playing, laughing, running, singing, dancing, jumping, snuggling, hugging, smiling, breathing, talking, learning, living, loving, and being the best at being you....we miss you B. Soon will be the day you will be four years old! It seems impossible to miss you more and more each day, but I guess nothing is impossible.

Video Link - copy and paste: http://s867.photobucket.com/home/tchrsteph

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Here are recent photos of our ever-growing Owen. He was close to 30 lbs at his 1 year appointment, so we think he has reached this weight with being close to 14 months now. He is busy, curious, sweet, flirtatious, happy, easy-going, gentle, and inquisitive. He is a daddy's boy who loves to rough house but loves to snuggle with his mama:)


The one photo is by Kim - she helped take pics for a helmet calendar contest. We should know in a few months if he made the calendar!