Baby Braden Petska

Thursday, October 22, 2015


Writing seems as if my writing lately has been more & more infrequent.  I really dislike using "time" as an excuse, but that's all I've got. Instead of carving out an allotted time, I need to just write when moments present themselves. Usually my writing is best when I communicate through emotion, and it's difficult to "schedule" that.  This latest piece was when I was in deep thought one night, so I decided to just write & let it unravel itself.  Here goes.....When I was driving home last week I realized not only how much my life has changed over the past 6+ years but how much I have changed. After Braden died, I was left with not only a hole that longed to be filled, but with an emptiness that knocked on my soul every single day. There I stood, stripped to the core. How do I get back what I once lost, who I once was – myself, my identity, my optimism, my spunk, my smile, my laughter, my self-worth, my motherhood, etc. Many people refer to dealing with grief in layers, as if you’re peeling away an onion. After each layer, you find something different about the grief, what to expect & how to handle loss. Never did I imagine as I stripped away the layers of the onion that it would represent stripping away the layers of who I was & what I represented. Every layer I peeled away eventually got down to the core of who I was on the inside. ….it made me question so many things, especially who I really was…, who is/was Stephanie Petska? Just as one can imagine the layers being stripped away, imagine God, over time, reconstructing me to the image of who I am in his eyes - weak but strong, broken, sensitive, wounded yet empathetic & tender-hearted, a survivor, an overcomer, a warrior being groomed to spread a beautiful message of hope & encouragement to a very broken world. I guess my story...our stories....our message is still being written ….allowing life to unfold as we walk & continue to step out in faith everyday.