Baby Braden Petska

Thursday, October 22, 2015


Writing seems as if my writing lately has been more & more infrequent.  I really dislike using "time" as an excuse, but that's all I've got. Instead of carving out an allotted time, I need to just write when moments present themselves. Usually my writing is best when I communicate through emotion, and it's difficult to "schedule" that.  This latest piece was when I was in deep thought one night, so I decided to just write & let it unravel itself.  Here goes.....When I was driving home last week I realized not only how much my life has changed over the past 6+ years but how much I have changed. After Braden died, I was left with not only a hole that longed to be filled, but with an emptiness that knocked on my soul every single day. There I stood, stripped to the core. How do I get back what I once lost, who I once was – myself, my identity, my optimism, my spunk, my smile, my laughter, my self-worth, my motherhood, etc. Many people refer to dealing with grief in layers, as if you’re peeling away an onion. After each layer, you find something different about the grief, what to expect & how to handle loss. Never did I imagine as I stripped away the layers of the onion that it would represent stripping away the layers of who I was & what I represented. Every layer I peeled away eventually got down to the core of who I was on the inside. ….it made me question so many things, especially who I really was…, who is/was Stephanie Petska? Just as one can imagine the layers being stripped away, imagine God, over time, reconstructing me to the image of who I am in his eyes - weak but strong, broken, sensitive, wounded yet empathetic & tender-hearted, a survivor, an overcomer, a warrior being groomed to spread a beautiful message of hope & encouragement to a very broken world. I guess my story...our stories....our message is still being written ….allowing life to unfold as we walk & continue to step out in faith everyday.


Blogger Kari said...

Isn't it so great/frightening that have been on Earth 4 decades, and we still have so much growing and learning to do!! Your journey has changed mine... thank you for sharing.

8:04 PM  
Blogger Pat said...

Our growing never ends, no matter how old we are. Some of those layers come off slower than others and the same for layers being applied. As I think about your heartfelt sharing, I can only think of Braden and the word bittersweet. Bitter for obvious reasons and sweet because he is the reason for your amazing growth. He shines through you, Miss Steph and will never be forgotten. Thank you again for sharing a part of your soul. xoxoxo <3

4:18 PM  

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