Baby Braden Petska

Friday, April 17, 2009

One month......

Dear B,
The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the daffodils are in bloom, yet my heart still aches for the longing of your joyful spirit as your existence created a part of us we never knew could exist. I often think of that quote, "Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body." You truly created this part of us that made us constantly question, "What did we do with our time before you were born? How would we ever go on without you?" I guess those are answers we're slowly finding out, but not enjoying as we try to find out how we exactly fit into this new life. It seems I continue to question "why" and as odd as it may sound, I still feel like I continue to hold onto this false hope that you will somehow return to us as if this all never happened. Oh B, please understand we only feel this empty because you filled our hearts and lives with this incredible and indescribable amount of love that is irreplacable. We pray you are safe and loved as much and even more than we could provide for you here on earth.

Holding you closer than ever to our hearts,
Your mommy and daddy

Dear faithful blog followers,
Thank you for encouragement to write as we continue to grieve. I know for me it helps to get some things off of my chest.....writing helps. I also know that I need to create my own journal with some thoughts I choose not to share on the blog as writing is a form of healing that I hope could eventually dull the pain. There is a dark side of grief that holds a depth so powerful and so sharp, no one should ever have to endure the heartache and void it leaves. There are the "screaming with anger moments," the many "why" and "how" questions, and the lurking emptiness that is still too fresh to share. I will try to continue to publicly share my heart when my moments of strength poke through the pain. Until then, please continue to pray for our strength. We can feel God's touch and grip even through the roughest moments. Thank you for your continued support and reaching out in various ways to let us know how much you care.

Love Steph and Rich


Blogger Suzanne Myers said...

Stephanie and Rich,
You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. You're both an inspiration to me. May God's peace continue to strengthen you.

5:34 PM  
Blogger mittelmommy said...

Continuing to pray for the both of you! It's times like these where we question, but God is good and He will carry you through giving you the strength you need. The only positive thing I can really think of is as believers you will one day be with B again! How awesome is that to look forward to!
Sending Hugs and Prayers,
Nathan, Chantae, Gage, and Malia

8:50 AM  
Blogger Jer, Kari, Alayna-Maria said...

We are here, thinking of you and praying for strength to get through your hardest hours and days.
I know that your pain is too fresh now...I am praying for the days to come when your grief changes form, and becomes a more peaceful place or remembrance.
Hang on. God and Braden are with you in your darkest moments.

3:09 PM  
Blogger Bill and Kris Tidd said...

Steph and Rich,
I read your entries and am so grateful for your words-how they touch and heal those around you, yet you are the ones hurting so badly. If there were a way for any of us to take the pain away, you know it would be gone in an instant!! Know that we continue to pray for you every day. Thank you for continuing to share your thoughts.

8:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know you, but I heard of your story from a friend. May you find moments of peace knowing that little Braden is happy and healthy in heaven and you will be with him again one day.

I thought that this poem was appropriate:

Sorry I didn't get to stay.
To laugh and run and play.
To be there by your side.
I'm sorry that I had to die.

God sent me down to be with you,
to make your loving heart anew.
To help you look up and see
Both God and little me.

Mommy, I wish I could stay.
Just like I heard you pray.
But, all the angels did cry
when they told little me goodbye.

God didn't take me cause He's mad.
He didn't send me to make you sad.
But to give us both a chance to be
a love so precious .. don't you see?

Up here no trouble do I see
and the pretty angels sing to me.
The streets of gold is where I play
you'll come here too, mommy, someday.

Until the day you join me here,
I'll love you mommy, dear.
Each breeze you feel and see,
brings love and a kiss from me.

9:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Steph and Rich,

I still think of you both many times through the day. I pray you make it through this difficult time. Thank you for letting us all in on your thoughts. Your writings are inspirational and I feel closer to you both being able to read your blog. Know that you are in my prayers.

Stacey Masters

2:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My heartfelt prayers contiune to surround you....

heart hugs....

Tammy Tomomitsu

7:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Steph and Rich,

You are in my thoughts and prayers everyday. May God provide you with the strength to look forward.
Love & prayers,

Kathy Jayko

10:28 AM  
Blogger Pat said...

Stephanie & Rich,

I continue to hold you in the light. Your words are so soft and gentle and yet carry such piercing emotion and hold so much strength, and give great comfort. Keep talking, as it is music to Braden. Let it be a way for you to sing to him. Grace, what is it really? When I think about the meaning, you come to mind. It is your grace that allows others to gain strength and heal. You continually amaze me with your strength, gentleness and thoughts of others. Keep listening, as Braden is talking to you. Take care, my friends. Prayers and thoughts are with you. Love, Pat

10:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello there~

Thank you for continuing to write. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of the three of you. I follow your blog very closely, and find so much inspiration and strength in your words. I continue to pray and send positive thoughts your way. I am so glad that the Slagers were able to visit you the other day! I hope you both are hanging in there the best that you can, and I hope you are taking good care of yourselves as well. If you should need anything at any time, please don't hesitate to ask!
Lots of hugs always,
Julia Steffens

4:01 PM  
Anonymous ceida said...

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Petska;

I just wanted to let you know that I love you both, and I continue to keep both of you in my thoughts as well as my prayers.

Also, I am glad to see you both on the road to recovery. It is definitely nice to see Mr. Petska back in the classroom; I had realized how much I missed him and his mischievous ways.

Take care Mrs. Petska! You have a Ceida Jr. to look forward to in the near future; knowing Baby Braden will be taking care of him/her from above.

Much Love;

Ceida E.

5:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think of you every day and wonder how you are doing. May God give you both the strength to get through everyday.

Teri Jahnke

5:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"God will give you both the strength you need..." You are in our mind...

Family Varkas from Croatia

12:46 AM  
Blogger The Watson Family said...

Just letting you know that not a day has gone by without us thinking of you. Without our hearts aching with yours.

Love & Hugs,
Nicole Watson & Family

3:25 PM  
Anonymous Jennifer said...

Stephanie and Rich,

You do not know me, but I was a family that recieved a care package from "Heart of Gold" charity while in the hospital. I thought "Wow- what a great charity". I then looked up the charity the other day and found the news that you lost your son. I am in disbelief. I have a 7 month old son that is in the Glenn stage and I have a 2 year old that has aortic stenosis and will have to have surgery in the next couple years. My heart goes out to you- and I cry everytime I read your blog. I do want to thank you for starting such a great charity and giving so much back to the CHD community.

You both are amazing people and I could only hope to be as strong as you are.

Jennifer Repp

3:40 PM  
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