Baby Braden Petska

Tuesday, March 02, 2010


This journey has been more than just that, it has been more than just experiencing grief, it has been about learning how to embrace and take in the beauty that surrounds us each and everyday. Even on the days where sorrow fills my heart and tears sting my eyes, I am given signs that life is still moving, the earth is still beating, and my heart is still loving. Even on the days when it takes every bone in my body to get out of bed, I am somehow given a sign of hope from above. Braden taught me early on to look around and "see" pay attention to what's around us - the beauty in all of God's creations. He's teaching me something everyday about life and and caring.....leading and loving. I'm not sure what the purpose of Braden's death was, but I know the purpose of his life. It was short, but it was full....of love....of inspiration.....of care free smiles and hugs.....of giggling laughter and playful times...and making sure we "see" what's around us each and everyday.

A co-worker/friend gave me a CD by Steven Curtis Chapman. Although he wrote this song (and CD) through the tears he shed of tragically losing his own child, the words are so incredibly powerful. They spoke to my heart and even though I can't help but cry everytime I hear it, there is a sense of peace that allows me to take another step forward on this journey.

Take a listen......

I guess my mission with the March blogs is to mark everyday with something I've gained, lost and learned along the way.


Anonymous Lois Petska said...

The thing that amazes me the most; besides your strength, is that we are still even able to function nearly a year later. A year? How can that be when everything is as fresh as if it was yesterday. Whenever I see "the colors" from the sun hitting the mirrors in the dining room my heart just breaks a little more. He sure loved "the colors" or as he would say, "THE COLORS, THE COLORS GRANDMA". I was trying to read one of his books to Owen yesterday; one I must have read a million times to B (and at the time thought, I can't read this book again!) I would give anything to read it a million more to B and can't even get the words out to read it to sweet Owen. Grandma's got to get Owen his own books!

6:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Steph, Rich, Owen and family,
Your story continues to amaze me. Through the pain and grief, you have such strong faith and you have refused to stop moving... I didn't realize how difficult Monday must have been for you. Owen is such a beautiful boy and I know that he is loving his Mommy time in swim class! Please take care and know that we are always praying for your family and sending love to Braden from our places here on earth!
Lori Ray

10:03 AM  
Blogger ESolgos said...

Steph, my heart sank as I flipped my calendar to March. Felt like I got kicked in the gut. The fact that you are facing this month with such courage and grace and even hope, well, I just don't know what to say. Hugging you from far away,

10:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just letting you know we love you. As the sun shines today and the sky is such a beautiful blue, it reminds me of all the golden heart-shaped balloons released in memory of Braden. There were many jets crisscrossing the sky at that time also mixed within the hearts. Now each time I see a jet, I am reminded of B's beautiful smile. Love, Aunt Barb

11:22 AM  
Blogger Jer, Kari, Alayna-Maria said...

Oh Steph... I can only imagine your feelings facing this month. We are thinking of you more than ever as the calendar clicks through the days... how do you prepare to face the day your heart was broken....
take care and keep writing...

4:36 PM  
Blogger Carla Erickson said...

Marching along....such an appropriate title. The "happy" dates on the calendar this month are such a brutal reminder. Ever so thankful I can still hear that squeaky little voice in my head as if I heard it just a minute ago. Always in our hearts and prayers....Carla

8:22 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home